My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
