pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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