brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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