That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
