We need to rekindle our bromance
Farmville is her only friend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize