My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
