Screwed.edu
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
