I didn't shave. On purpose
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
