your thong is hanging out like whoa
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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