the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
