Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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