Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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