oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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