So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
how drunk are you?
Several
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
