Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
