i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
