so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
