Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
