Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
