tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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