im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
