i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
