come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
