so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it glows. i had to have it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
