Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
