Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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