A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
