i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
