I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
