the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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