why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's always time for handjobs
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
