am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
