I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
