It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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