Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dick very happy bro
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
