I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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