If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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