I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
smell my finger.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
