Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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