Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Randomize
