It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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