He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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