I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
