i'm signing you up for texting rehab
People in love make me want to vomit
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
