Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do vagina's smell?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
