so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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