Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
