She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
