glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
