i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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