Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
