if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
