I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
