NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
COCAINE IS GR8
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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