You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
