be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
