drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
