Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
