Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
