Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
