I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
