I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drunk is a universal language darling
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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