Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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