Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
