Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
